Bathing with Bladud

The sun beat down on the mostly economically viable patrons of Bath - and is if to prove that some things at least are equal - it beat down on us too. This was a hot, simmering June afternoon that found the City Centre bustling to the brink with tourists from England, Europe and beyond.

'Hi Alf' I smiled. Offering the scrawny punk a cigarette from the packet in my hand.

'My name's not Alf.' He mumbled. Which seemed silly to me. As there in big letters, scrawled across the back of his leather jacket, lying beneath the word 'Exploited' was the name 'ALF'. But who was I to argue. 'I'm Rats' he said, taking a cigarette with dirty lean fingers.

He had a needle spiked, dirty blond Mohican and a thin twisted face with an abnormally long bent nose. I had not seen him around before. I would have remembered that face. He offered me a swig of his beer, by way of recompense and, as it always was back then - a new friendship was sealed. Rats, so it would seem, was down from London. He knew Merlin and Punky Shane so we already had a bond and he told me about his exploits as an animal rights activist. ALF was an acronym for the Animal Liberation Front and I was fascinated by his stories. Within an hour of meeting him I was a committed vegan again, although I momentarily regretted this when I realised that I could no longer eat those wonderful little chocolate truffles that I used to beg money for in the afternoons. C'est la vie. We shared a few more beers and took deep pleasure in the unexpected heat wave. This is England after all. Dean and Merlin joined us early evening and I begged some money for us all to get some chips for dinner. Chips, thankfully, were vegan.

I was sat on the bench counting the coins received into one pound piles, when a sudden and unexpected move on behalf of Merlin, sent the money cascading to the ground. We all scurried to retrieve it but I watched in abstract misery as two 50p coins rolled towards the metal grill of a drain just down the hill from us. I ran to catch them but unfortunately threw myself onto the burning metal grill just as they began their descent.

This was not a drain at all.

"What's down there?' I said to Merlin. The magic man knew all that there was to know about Bath.
'Our fucking dinner?' He complained woefully.

I stared hard. Bent my face closer so my cheeks pressed against the bars and looked from side to side.

'Its a passage way, not a drain.' I said 'Where does it lead?' There was a drop of about twelve feet to a dusty wide passage that headed in two directions from the grate. I sat up and pulled at the grate with my fingers. It lifted slightly. 'It's not locked!' I cried.

'Its the Roman City.' said Merlin 'You know, the tunnels where they dug up the remains. The Georgian City was built on top of the Roman one.'

I remembered a similar grate nearer the Abbey and hurried towards it, pushing past the sweating tourists with disregard. Merlin was hot on my heels. Another view of the passage from this grate, but this one was sealed shut. It headed off in the direction of North Parade and the famous Sally Lunn's Tea Shop.

Nothing there though.

'Look' said Merlin, pointing at some steps that led down to the basement level of a building nearby 'Lets try there.' Even in the heat you could smell the damp from the cold stone walls of these tunnels. Three arches, blocked off by metal bars, revealed a passage at their rear, heading back towards the Abbey.

'What if there's more of this.' I wondered aloud 'We could have somewhere to live.'

All we had to do was wait.


We waited for the air to cool and the last of the merry people to disperse from the pubs and find their way home. We all sat watching the grate, a motley crew of modern day filth bandits, wondering what this next adventure might bring.

'It's quiet enough now.' Said Dean, but as soon as he spoke the sound of laughter and clicking heels came towards us and we were forced to wait a while longer.

When silence once again washed the streets, Merlin darted towards the grate and swiftly lifted it, just enough to throw down the sleeping bag. The next round of silence saw Rats and me do the same. We planned for the sleeping bags to break our fall.

'I'm first' Said Rats. And quick as the words were spoken he disappeared down the open hole. We all rushed to check he was OK and looked down to see his smiling face. "Dive in,' he called 'It's easy'. One by one we disappeared, leaving only Blackum to close the grate and to wait for news. Dean even dropped his Alsatian dog down the hole before him. 'What?' He had protested against Rats stares 'I ain't going anywhere without him'

Rats and Merlin switched on the torches.

The passage that led downwards from here looked more modern and recent. Quick discussion revealed that we were all more interested in the dark and cave like passage that led towards the top of town. Rats headed the group with me following with a hand on his shoulder. Merlin and Dean took up the rear. The passage floor soon broke open to reveal a large pipe, the sewers most probably and the terrain became a little more difficult to navigate. When the passage turned right we were faced with an opening, a doorway of sorts and it found us with the light of only one torch. Rats shone the torch through the hole and we caught glimpse of a vast open space.

Is that lights?' Rat's exclaimed pointing the torch beam up to the cavern roof. 'Maybe there's a switch?' We all laughed as Rats groped around to the side of the door but were stunned to silence as the strip lights flicked on one by one. He turned the torch off.

Down here the world was different. Ancient and organic, the earthy floor beneath and the uncatalogued excavations made like we were stumbling upon an old Egyptian tomb. To the left of the 'cavern' stone coffins lay open and empty. Tools were scattered around reminding of the recent presence of people and artifact's and history were everywhere. It was with awe that we stepped down into this room of remains.

'I bet this stuff is worth a fortune!' Merlin looked around him 'There could be rooms of this stuff.' We wandered through this space excited, touching everything, feeling the adrenaline that comes with the unexpected and the unknown. To the rear of this room we found a partially excavated Roman Bath. About 20ft square and filled with muddy brackish water, fitting into the space against the wall. Behind this bath was a door. We figured that we could get access to the door by pressing our backs against the earthen walls and shuffling along the bank carefully. I did not want to end up in that water. Visions of the scene in the movie Poltergeist plagued me. I imagined falling into this swamp of a pool and ancient corpses swilling around my drowning body. I took a deep breath and Merlin's hand before stepping onto the ledge. Rats reached the door first and I think we all felt an enormous sense of relief when it swung open and we saw him jump through it. Dean and his dog Ally came last with the dog being the only one that almost ended up in the deep.

This new corridor split two ways. To the right where it continued into the distance, and for a short way to the left where it ended in a set of double doors. I turned back to face the doors just in time to see Rats lift the bar and push them both open with ease. I gasped with fucking awe.

Twinkling in the light of his torch was the water of a Museum spa. Ally began to bark and Dean struggled to quieten her. Rats took a step inside the museum and shone his torch around, settling finally back onto the ancient spa waters. 'Will you get a fucking look at this!' One by one we filed to his side and stared down where the beam of his torchlight settled. 'Have you ever seen anything like it? We are like, so rich right now!

Merlin spoke next 'Hey, this has to be our secret. We can come down here every night and get some more but we must be careful not to take too much and not to tell anyone else. The more people that know about this - the more fucked up this will get.'

I had to agree.

This time I was first. I placed a bare foot onto the top stone step and felt the film of slime that coated it. 'Be careful,' I warned 'its really fucking slippery and its cold.' The next three steps found the freezing water up to my mid thigh. This was not going to be as easy as it looked but I reached down and picked up the first silver coin that I could reach.

'Should we go in there?' Questioned Dean. 'That fucking girl died in here after swallowing the water, remember.' He tied Ally's lead to a wooden post nearby.

'You pussy!' shouted Merlin as he unlaced his Doc Martins and joined me. 'Come on in!'

'I'm being fucking serious. You can die touching that shit. I ain't going in there. ' Dean backed away from the water's edge a little as if even proximity was dangerous. The rest of us however were not deterred. Getting the money from the wishing pool was harder than it appeared at first. For starters a large proportion of it was not English currency and most of it was hard to reach. It twinkled before us though, tempting us further and further into the tainted green depths.

I stuffed the coins into the pocket of my skirt and took a deep breath every time I had to dip my head beneath the water to reach another one. Gasping as the icy water shocked my chest I had to dip again and again to try to reach the coins, perspective skewed by the shimmering surface and the lack of light. Was the water dangerous?

There was definitely danger here now though.

Startling bright lights flickered on from both somewhere and everywhere and voices, shouting voices, from the distance commanded us to 'Stay where you are and place your hands over your heads'. We did not stop to think and we certainly did not raise our hands but we all made for the doors splashing and screaming 'Fucking run!'

Turning into the large room we tried to move with speed around the rim of the partly excavated pool, my heart thumped with fear of both falling and of being caught. I made it about three quarters of the way round when Dean who was at the front screamed 'Fuck - I forgot Ally!'
'I ain't going back' shouted Merlin. 'Keep fucking moving, fuck the dog. You're not getting past me man'

The only way back for Dean was through the water if we didn't move.

The brackish foul water.

The water that killed girls.

'Fucking move!' Screamed Merlin pushing against him, desperate not to be arrested. Dean was spitting fury now 'You fucking move. I want my dog.'
Rats shouted something but the words were lost in the panic. I looked back to see him disappear through the door.

'He's gone back for Ally. For your fucking dog! Now move Dean. Please?'

'Fuck' Dean shuffled forwards 'He better get her.' We were through this area in seconds now. Merlin remembered at the last moment to flick off the light switch to make it harder for us to be followed and in the hope that the police would meet their fate at the bottom of the murky deep. We now ran by the light of the torch, trying desperately to keep our footing on the uneven floor of the tunnels.

Stumbling. Breathing hard.

We ran until our feet hit the soft padding of the abandoned sleeping bags and the street lights touched our skin. 'Blackum!' I shouted. But there was nothing. Just silence. 'Blackum' I tried again. Merlin motioned for silence and we listened back down the tunnel to see if evidence of the cops following would echo to our ears. Still silence. From above and behind.
'This way' whispered Merlin, continuing down the tunnel into the unknown and down the more modern passage. Another door, this time cut from a wooden boarding, took us into a dusty vastness that smelt of cement and wood. Merlin flashed the torch, looking for a way forward. 'This is the new shopping centre. Come on.' The new centre was a building site still. We entered through the basement and quickly found our way up to the street level by a newly installed escalator. Only the builders boards separated us from escape into the real world now. Dean motioned towards a pile of wood, stacked ready for use and we all scrambled to climb it and jump to freedom.

The three of us collapsed against the street side of the boards grazed and bruised. Two of us fucking freezing and soaking wet and all of us tired but on a total high. It seemed that we started laughing in unison. Manic, hysterical laughter. And when we eventually stopped and Merlin said...

'Can you believe that ratty fucking vegan risked getting himself nicked for someone else's dog?' We laughed some more and then some.
'I don't know about you two, but I ain't ever going back down there again.' said Dean. And even though I was desperate for a roof over my head and a pool of endless tourist money - I had to concur.

We had collected enough money to buy three MacDonald's Apple Pies and a packet of ten cigarettes. A feast! The crazy vegan was released from police custody the following day charged with 'Breaking and Entering' and 'Resisting Arrest' and Ally spent the night in the police station too. It would not be Ally's last night in a police kennel that's for sure and it would certainly not be Rats.

Still homeless but a little less hungry our minds turned back to the festival at Stonehenge. We had twenty four hours left to go.

Continued...
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The Roman Bath at Bath Spa that we discovered that night, you can see the money twinkling in the water! A beautiful sight for the hungry indeed!


The Roman Baths Museum of Bath Spa (link)