Rehearsal...
'I'm off out. Catch you later.' I called, slamming the door quickly before anyone questioned where. It was a short walk down the hill to the town centre and it was already bustling with people, eager and ready for whatever the evening would bring.
I was ready.
I met Liam, a 17 year old traveler and Ian sitting on the steps near the Roman Baths.
'It's the fucking freak.' Shouted Ian 'Hey, freak, wash that stupid paint off your face. You'd be prettier without it.'
' Buy me a beer Ian and I'll wash my face.'
'Where's that weirdo boyfriend of yours? Can't he buy you a beer? I know it's his fucking Giro day.'
'I'll buy you a beer Claire.' Offered Liam. An offer too good to refuse?
I didn't know much about Liam. He was Irish and from one of the big traveler families that worked the fairgrounds. He wore dirty army combats and his hair bleached blond, was shaved into a wide Mohawk. We walked to the off-license together.
'You shouldn't let Ian talk to you like that. He's a tosser when he's drunk.' Liam smiled at me with a gappy grin as he paid for the beers. 'Why don't we go down the weir. Fuck Ian. I'll buy you a drink in The Boater. They won't serve us if Ian comes anyhow.'
'Alright' I said. And I felt closer to wherever it was I was heading as the word left my lips.
I took the can that Liam offered and cracked it open, lighting a cigarette for each of us from the box in my pocket.
'Hey, do you still live in that car park?'
'No. I've got a place at the top of town now. Live with some mad bloke called Pug.' I wasn't sure that Liam was going to be the right person for today. He seemed too nice. 'Robert lives there too.' I said as an afterthought.
'You're fucking crazy you are. When you said that you lived in a carpark, I thought you meant that you lived in a converted garage or something. Ian took me down to your box once when you weren't there. What the fuck were you living down there for! You should have come down the traveler site, I'd have looked after you.'
I threw my arms around his neck, 'Awww, thanks Liam. But I'm a big girl, I can look after myself you know.' Liam went to kiss me, but I laughed and pulled him by the hand down the stone steps of Pulteney Bridge. The rush of water from the weir was percussion to the music blaring from the pub and the lights of the canal boats danced along in appreciation, reminding me of happier days. The Boater garden was nearly empty and we picked a bench with a view of the river, hiding our private stash of beer under the table.
'Here's a fiver. Get a couple of Gold Labels beautiful.' Liam passed me the note. I pushed my way up the crowded stairway of the pub, nodding to the many people I knew, people that had coloured my life. Merlin was there, smelling of glue and snogging some middle aged hippy chick. The young Goths that had once been my peer group, long before I left their world and propelled myself to this one, each of them waved hello and smiled to see me. Sarah was there too, sat with the Goths. We had once worked at the same riding stables and had gone to the same school.
At least I think we had. The girl I was seemed so different to the girl in this bar.
I purchased the drinks and made my way back to the garden, flirting with some bikers on the way. Liam and I were halfway through our second drinks when Ian appeared.
'What the fuck happened to you two losers? And you...' he threw me a glare 'Bertie fucking Bassett is in town looking for you. He looks pissed with you too.'
'Fuck off Ian. Aren't you banned from here anyhow?'
'You shagged her yet Liam?' Liam pulled a face of distaste
'I have.' Ian continued 'She fucking loved it too. Didn't you girl?'
Liam stood up and pushed a hand into Ian's chest shouting 'Get out of here. Just leave her alone.'
I looked up at the two of them. At Ian with the laughter on his lips and at Liam with the fury in his eyes but all I saw was Robert and Polly and hatred.
I smiled at Ian.
Ian pushed Liam away to one side and held out a hand to me.
'I'm off. Coming with me?' He knew you see. He had always seen it in my eyes and he had waited for today because he always knew that it would come. I took his hand and off we ran laughing through the tunnel.
I didn't laugh for long. By the time that we reached the lane that cut through to the field I wanted to be back in Robert's arms, safe and warm and familiar was not going to be found at the end of this path. I found enough strength to speak an excuse.
'Shit, Ian, I'm supposed to be in town. I forgot, I am meeting up with Merlin.' I hoped the mention of Merlin, someone that Ian liked would save me from this fate.
'Merlin won't mind.' Retorted Ian, holding out a hand again, this time to help pull me over the stile.
'No, I really should go. I can catch up with you tomorrow. I'll buy you a beer.'
Ian pulled me roughly down to the other side where I fell into the damp, dewy grass on my hands and knees.
'Come back to the bender for a joint then I'll walk you back to Merlin's afterwards.'
I could feel myself starting to cry. Ian wiped away a tear with the cuff of his sleeve 'Sit down girl.' He took off his shirt and poured some of the beer from his can onto the fabric, than he proceeded to wipe my face clean from the makeup I was wearing. I was still crying helplessly. 'See, I was right.' he smiled 'You look much prettier without that shit on your face.' And with a finger under my chin he tilted my face up to look at his.
I found my words again 'I better go now Ian.' and I waited for permission but instead I was pulled up to standing and onwards through the field. By the time we reached the canal I was shaking with fear and sobbing loudly. I hoped desperately that Robert would appear from the bushes and save me. My bare feet hurt as I was dragged over the stoney ground, further into the darkness and then down deeper into the woods. My sobs became silent and my wrist hurt where Ian held me firm. His words were nice enough, mostly he spoke of the everyday, sometimes he spoke with frustration, but never did he let on as to what his intentions were with any more than the grip on my arm and an angry flash of his eyes. I had never been to a Bender Site before. This site was set aside from the main camp, I had heard rumors. Patch, Andy and Ian were not permitted to live with the other's but people were too scared of Andy to say why. There was only one bender here. An intricately woven dome of willow branches, shielded from the weather by tarpaulins on the outside and wrapped for warmth and decoration by brightly coloured cloths within. The bender had two rooms. The main room contained a bed, a wood burner, a food locker and a chest and the front room, from which you entered, stored the rest of their possessions and a pile of boots. It smelt heavily of cannabis. You had to crawl to enter the bender. Ian went first, feeling around for a torch in the entranceway he flicked it on illuminating this colourful little cave.
'Come on in.' He called.
I could have ran away. Fled to the darkness of the woods whilst he searched for the torch. I could have.
But I didn't.
Instead I hummed. Sang my little song, bent down on my hands and knees and crawled into the deep unknown. Ian lit candles and a fire whilst I sat on the mattress and snuggled in the blankets that smelt strongly of must and patchouli.
'There, that's better!' He said with a comforting smile. The fire flared, turning this filthy, cold hole into a place of colour, magic and safety inside my head. I still hummed.
SILENCE...
Just breathing and grunting and sometimes me humming to break the silence for the longest time. Until he broke it all with the words 'Now fuck off. Patch is due back any time soon.' So I pulled out the screwdriver, dressed and crawled back into the woods.
If I could have crashed through time and left that wood. If I could have jumped forward twelve years to the new millennium, to September, sharp and cold - I would have seen to what extent this day was a rehearsal of things that would come to pass. 9/17/2000. I will be taken from the Easy Internet Cafe in the West End of London at around four o'clock in the morning. I will be led by the hand once more, to a place that is built on the inevitable. This time the hand would be a much more sinister one. This hand would belong to Kam.
Closer...
Bender photos and build instructions
Pulteney Bridge The Boater pub was up behind the tree on the right and The Cactus Club was under the arch at the base of the bridge tower
Some things never change!
Continued...
I was ready.
I met Liam, a 17 year old traveler and Ian sitting on the steps near the Roman Baths.
'It's the fucking freak.' Shouted Ian 'Hey, freak, wash that stupid paint off your face. You'd be prettier without it.'
' Buy me a beer Ian and I'll wash my face.'
'Where's that weirdo boyfriend of yours? Can't he buy you a beer? I know it's his fucking Giro day.'
'I'll buy you a beer Claire.' Offered Liam. An offer too good to refuse?
I didn't know much about Liam. He was Irish and from one of the big traveler families that worked the fairgrounds. He wore dirty army combats and his hair bleached blond, was shaved into a wide Mohawk. We walked to the off-license together.
'You shouldn't let Ian talk to you like that. He's a tosser when he's drunk.' Liam smiled at me with a gappy grin as he paid for the beers. 'Why don't we go down the weir. Fuck Ian. I'll buy you a drink in The Boater. They won't serve us if Ian comes anyhow.'
'Alright' I said. And I felt closer to wherever it was I was heading as the word left my lips.
I took the can that Liam offered and cracked it open, lighting a cigarette for each of us from the box in my pocket.
'Hey, do you still live in that car park?'
'No. I've got a place at the top of town now. Live with some mad bloke called Pug.' I wasn't sure that Liam was going to be the right person for today. He seemed too nice. 'Robert lives there too.' I said as an afterthought.
'You're fucking crazy you are. When you said that you lived in a carpark, I thought you meant that you lived in a converted garage or something. Ian took me down to your box once when you weren't there. What the fuck were you living down there for! You should have come down the traveler site, I'd have looked after you.'
I threw my arms around his neck, 'Awww, thanks Liam. But I'm a big girl, I can look after myself you know.' Liam went to kiss me, but I laughed and pulled him by the hand down the stone steps of Pulteney Bridge. The rush of water from the weir was percussion to the music blaring from the pub and the lights of the canal boats danced along in appreciation, reminding me of happier days. The Boater garden was nearly empty and we picked a bench with a view of the river, hiding our private stash of beer under the table.
'Here's a fiver. Get a couple of Gold Labels beautiful.' Liam passed me the note. I pushed my way up the crowded stairway of the pub, nodding to the many people I knew, people that had coloured my life. Merlin was there, smelling of glue and snogging some middle aged hippy chick. The young Goths that had once been my peer group, long before I left their world and propelled myself to this one, each of them waved hello and smiled to see me. Sarah was there too, sat with the Goths. We had once worked at the same riding stables and had gone to the same school.
At least I think we had. The girl I was seemed so different to the girl in this bar.
I purchased the drinks and made my way back to the garden, flirting with some bikers on the way. Liam and I were halfway through our second drinks when Ian appeared.
'What the fuck happened to you two losers? And you...' he threw me a glare 'Bertie fucking Bassett is in town looking for you. He looks pissed with you too.'
'Fuck off Ian. Aren't you banned from here anyhow?'
'You shagged her yet Liam?' Liam pulled a face of distaste
'I have.' Ian continued 'She fucking loved it too. Didn't you girl?'
Liam stood up and pushed a hand into Ian's chest shouting 'Get out of here. Just leave her alone.'
I looked up at the two of them. At Ian with the laughter on his lips and at Liam with the fury in his eyes but all I saw was Robert and Polly and hatred.
I smiled at Ian.
Ian pushed Liam away to one side and held out a hand to me.
'I'm off. Coming with me?' He knew you see. He had always seen it in my eyes and he had waited for today because he always knew that it would come. I took his hand and off we ran laughing through the tunnel.
I didn't laugh for long. By the time that we reached the lane that cut through to the field I wanted to be back in Robert's arms, safe and warm and familiar was not going to be found at the end of this path. I found enough strength to speak an excuse.
'Shit, Ian, I'm supposed to be in town. I forgot, I am meeting up with Merlin.' I hoped the mention of Merlin, someone that Ian liked would save me from this fate.
'Merlin won't mind.' Retorted Ian, holding out a hand again, this time to help pull me over the stile.
'No, I really should go. I can catch up with you tomorrow. I'll buy you a beer.'
Ian pulled me roughly down to the other side where I fell into the damp, dewy grass on my hands and knees.
'Come back to the bender for a joint then I'll walk you back to Merlin's afterwards.'
I could feel myself starting to cry. Ian wiped away a tear with the cuff of his sleeve 'Sit down girl.' He took off his shirt and poured some of the beer from his can onto the fabric, than he proceeded to wipe my face clean from the makeup I was wearing. I was still crying helplessly. 'See, I was right.' he smiled 'You look much prettier without that shit on your face.' And with a finger under my chin he tilted my face up to look at his.
I found my words again 'I better go now Ian.' and I waited for permission but instead I was pulled up to standing and onwards through the field. By the time we reached the canal I was shaking with fear and sobbing loudly. I hoped desperately that Robert would appear from the bushes and save me. My bare feet hurt as I was dragged over the stoney ground, further into the darkness and then down deeper into the woods. My sobs became silent and my wrist hurt where Ian held me firm. His words were nice enough, mostly he spoke of the everyday, sometimes he spoke with frustration, but never did he let on as to what his intentions were with any more than the grip on my arm and an angry flash of his eyes. I had never been to a Bender Site before. This site was set aside from the main camp, I had heard rumors. Patch, Andy and Ian were not permitted to live with the other's but people were too scared of Andy to say why. There was only one bender here. An intricately woven dome of willow branches, shielded from the weather by tarpaulins on the outside and wrapped for warmth and decoration by brightly coloured cloths within. The bender had two rooms. The main room contained a bed, a wood burner, a food locker and a chest and the front room, from which you entered, stored the rest of their possessions and a pile of boots. It smelt heavily of cannabis. You had to crawl to enter the bender. Ian went first, feeling around for a torch in the entranceway he flicked it on illuminating this colourful little cave.
'Come on in.' He called.
I could have ran away. Fled to the darkness of the woods whilst he searched for the torch. I could have.
But I didn't.
Instead I hummed. Sang my little song, bent down on my hands and knees and crawled into the deep unknown. Ian lit candles and a fire whilst I sat on the mattress and snuggled in the blankets that smelt strongly of must and patchouli.
'There, that's better!' He said with a comforting smile. The fire flared, turning this filthy, cold hole into a place of colour, magic and safety inside my head. I still hummed.
SILENCE...
Just breathing and grunting and sometimes me humming to break the silence for the longest time. Until he broke it all with the words 'Now fuck off. Patch is due back any time soon.' So I pulled out the screwdriver, dressed and crawled back into the woods.
If I could have crashed through time and left that wood. If I could have jumped forward twelve years to the new millennium, to September, sharp and cold - I would have seen to what extent this day was a rehearsal of things that would come to pass. 9/17/2000. I will be taken from the Easy Internet Cafe in the West End of London at around four o'clock in the morning. I will be led by the hand once more, to a place that is built on the inevitable. This time the hand would be a much more sinister one. This hand would belong to Kam.
Closer...
Bender photos and build instructions
Pulteney Bridge The Boater pub was up behind the tree on the right and The Cactus Club was under the arch at the base of the bridge tower
Some things never change!
Continued...
posted by Claire at 1:25 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home